Stopping the Conversation

When we aren’t satisfied with how things are going in your organization of life, one of the most powerful questions to ask, according to poet David Whyte, is how do we stop having the conversations we’ve been having? How do we just stop having the conversations we’re having that aren’t serving us well?

When we pay attention to ourselves and the organizations we’re a part of we can begin to hear themes, or conversations, that we just keep having over and over and over again. These tired, fruitless, complaining conversations keep us distracted from the vital, life giving conversations that can take us into a new future. Of course, new futures are frightening, wild places, and well beyond what we can control. So, even though we’re tired of them, most of us spend a lot of time having these old conversations. Not only can we feel the small, self-righteous satisfaction of blaming others behind their backs for their obvious incompetence, but, by replaying these conversations we avoid having to try anything different or put anything at risk.

While they happen everywhere, the church is legendary for tired, distracting conversations. If I hear one more church whine about not having enough young people… Or, if it isn’t the demographics it’s the sheer number of folks showing up. I remember visiting a friend’s church and having a great experience at worship. But then, at the coffee hour one of the regulars kept apologizing and telling me how great they used to be decades ago when they were, if I believe him, bursting at the seams. I finally had to tell him to stop apologizing, telling him that he was beginning to ruin what had been a very nice morning. I am entirely confident this guy had been having that same conversation with every new person unfortunate enough to pick his table for bad church coffee for years. And then, there are the conversations we have with ourselves, the stories we tell ourselves about what we’re capable of and what we aren’t. Of course whatever we tell ourselves, no matter how false, always feels true over time. And these self-limiting conversations, like you aren’t called to serve as a head of staff, or you just don’t have the gift for preaching/caring for people/youth/or whatever, protect us from trying and the very real possibility of failing.

So what a beautiful question to ask: how do we stop having this tire, old conversation? How do we just stop, and by stopping, create the space for something new, truly new, to emerge?

Right now, the person I nominate for doing the best job of stopping fruitless conversations is The Rev. Jessica Tate, the Executive Director of NEXT Church, “a movement within the PCUSA trying to help us be the faithful church for the 21^stcentury as so many of our institutional models of church are no longer serving us as well as they once did.”

When the larger Presbyterian church has been squaring off over exhausting and exhausted conversations about human sexuality, Biblical authority, worship styles, and the list goes on and on, Jessica and the leaders of NEXT decided to create a new space where, while they didn’t know exactly where they wanted the conversation to go, they knew they wanted to put a stop to the old, divisive bickering that was and is getting us nowhere.

Jessica and NEXT consciously wanted to stop the broken way we were having the liberal vs. conservative conversation, reaching out to both wings of the church. The leadership of NEXT includes people who identify with different sides but can come together to build something positive. Jessica and NEXT wanted to stop the worship wars conversations affirming that NEXT is “not about new-fangled ways to be church. It’s not about screens in the sanctuary and whether there’s a praise band. And sometimes stopping the conversation takes the form of starting a conversation. Our very white denomination has been uncomfortable addressing ongoing gender and race inequity. Jessica and NEXT have broken this silence creating not only the space but the leadership to change this. NEXT’s current leadership team is 30% people of color, and NEXT’s goal is for it to be 50% by 2017 to simply reflect the church we will have to be to look like the communities in which we live. Is claiming a measurable goal some sort of manufactured solution? No. Does it express a commitment to examine and change unintentional patterns of privilege and discrimination? NEXT Church hopes so.

 By stopping some of the most unproductive conversations, Jessica and NEXT have created this incredibly vibrant, beautiful community. In the last two years 1,300 people attended the national gatherings with another 2,000 watching online. Moreover, 20 regional gatherings were held across the country. NEXT worked with the Board of Pensions to create a website supporting newly ordained pastors. They held a listening campaign in 2015 that gleaned insights from 450 people all across the country. When you stop having old, tired conversations, NEXT shows us how much life and creativity is really possible.

One of my favorite poems by David is Finisterre. He wrote it for his niece when she walked the Camino. One of the things pilgrims do after they finish the Camino and Santiago de Compostela is they travel to Finisterre, literally meaning the ends of the earth, the furthest Western point of Europe. One of the things pilgrims do is leave something behind. Here, David lifts up the image of her leaving her worn out boots- not because she had failed, but because they served her well and it was time to stick a fork in them. From that point on she would need new shoes to carry her into her unknown future.

 
FINISTERRE

The road in the end taking the path the sun had taken,
into the western sea, and the moon rising behind you
as you stood where ground turned to ocean: no way
to your future now but the way your shadow could take,
walking before you across water, going where shadows go,
no way to make sense of a world that wouldn't let you pass
except to call an end to the way you had come,
to take out each frayed letter you brought
and light their illumined corners, and to read
them as they drifted through the late western light;
to empty your bags; to sort this and to leave that;
to promise what you needed to promise all along,
and to abandon the shoes that had brought you here
right at the water's edge, not because you had given up
but because now, you would find a different way to tread. 

Whyte, David (2013-07-14). Pilgrim (Kindle Locations 168-175). Many Rivers Press. Kindle Edition. 

This is what I sense Jessica and NEXT are doing. Grateful for the church that brought us this far, she recognizes it’s time to leave some conversations behind, right at the water’s edge, not because we have given up, but because all of us are needing to find a different way to tread.

What conversations do YOU need to stop having- in your organization? In your own life?